“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:26-27)
I did not want to go to the singles ward. I had bad memories of it being a place of lost souls – of people who seemed to have given up hope. Please, let me go anywhere but that ward, I thought as I moved back in with my parents after graduation. My family and I not so affectionately called this tiny branch-turned-ward “The Twig.” Hoping to avoid the depths of The Twig, I ward hopped/shopped for about a month before my conscience caught up with me. I should give the ole Twig another go.
Here’s the thing: Despite the cynicism, I really wanted it to work.
So, I changed my attitude. I went in thinking that I would give it my all. And I did. I participated in all the activities. I raised my hand in class. I even got a little calling. And guess what: this “dreaded” ward ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. My testimony grew like no other. I truly felt connected to the people around me. I was happy. Oh, and I fell in love with my then husband-to-be. What a perk!
See that? I could no more than “desire to believe.” But that desire turned into faith. And that tiny particle of faith got me everything.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far in my twenty-something life: when I give a little, just a tiny seed of faith, my Heavenly Father returns the favor tenfold. He must have some kind of crazy fertilizer. He made my tiny particle – my tiny seed – of faith grow into a tree.
But that doesn’t mean my faith hasn’t been tested or tried. Oh boy, have those storms and trials come. There have certainly been times when I felt my faith waver, times when I’ve felt alone.
Not too long ago, I was going through a difficult time with my health. Things were pretty bad. Because of this health condition, I had a hard time feeling the spirit. This guide I had been blessed with when I was eight, and I had grown accustomed to feeling through time, seemed suddenly silent.
One day, after starting a brand new medication, I fainted while I was in the shower. If you’ve passed out before, you know how scary this is. I literally felt like I was going to die. I remember thinking, “This has to end.” I got out of the shower. Nobody was home. And I sobbed. What was happening? When did my life get so dark? Why did God abandon me now?
My fiancé came over and all I could do was cry. I laid on the couch for half the day. I wasn’t talking. Everyone was worried about me. My mom considered taking me to the hospital, but, after some coaxing, I finally got up.
Here’s what I realized. I was not abandoned. I was never alone, and I never have been. If I had fallen the other way while in the shower, I could have been seriously injured. Instead, there was just a bunch of shampoo on the shower floor. Somebody was watching out for me. I had a fiancé and a family who cared for me and got me well again. Somebody was looking out for me. I had received a letter in the mail with some encouraging words a couple days before this incident. These words helped me gain insight only after my trial. I tell you, somebody was looking out for me.
I had a particle of faith – Somebody made that work for me.
I’m not sure how Christ does it, but He can make the best out of any situation. I came out of that seemingly overdramatic incident (but nonetheless real to me) better. My faith has grown because of the storm.
So, why could I never leave this church?
Well, you see, I have this particle of faith. And that’s a powerful thing.
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